In the summer, I spent two months in Egypt. I enjoyed the laid-back way of life in Dahab and ending up spending the bulk of my trip there.
After eating some dirty vegetables, I was puking all day, had diarrhea, stomach aches… It really sucked. Nothing seemed to help.
Fast forward a few days and still I hadn’t left my hotel room for more than 20 minutes at a time since I got sick. I was feeling better, but really faint because I hadn’t eaten. I had a light breakfast and decided that I was going to go to the beach. I knew that a lot of places on the beach in Dahab don’t have washrooms, so I chose wisely and went to a beach front bar where I was 100% certain that they had a bathroom.
So I was on the beach, tanning, drinking water, reading… When all of a sudden, I need to shit NOW. So I get up and hobble over to the washroom with my butt muscles tensed up as to not leak liquid shit everywhere.
“Lady! Lady! Sorry, the bathroom’s getting repaired right now, you can’t go in,” the bartender explains. “WHAT NO IT’S OK I’LL USE IT ANYWAYS!” “Umm, no you can’t, there’s someone fixing it.”
I was desperate, and I told him it was an emergency, and he laughed it off saying, “Just go in the ocean, everyone does.” Turns out the closest bathroom was a 7-10 minute walk away…
So get into the water and start swimming out as fast as I can. I get about twice as far as the second furthest person… I look around. No boats, no surfers, no swimmers… ok.
I pull down my bathing suit and start to let out a massive load of orange pudding-like shit. It created this DISGUSTING cloud… and half started floating up, so I swim a few meters away with my bottoms still down.
Then… I look down into the water and see there’s four fucking scuba divers about 2 meters below me, COMPLETELY grossed out, pointing at my cloud of diarrhea to warn each other and swimming away as fast as they could. I shit on scuba divers.
I left the beach immediately and didn’t leave my hotel room for the next couple days.